you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
