dude i'm inner monologue high
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize