it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
