i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
