I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
