using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize