Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My life is pants optional.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
