Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
