You made me cry and you don't even care
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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