I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
cat food counts as protein by the way
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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