so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
