We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I will be naked everywhere
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
