ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
