All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize