I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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