i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
