shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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