hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You were trust falling into bushes
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
