Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
