Kiss
Puke
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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