I must be too annoying 4 u.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
