I am full of burrito and curiosity
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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