I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
