At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
