Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's never too late to be topless.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
