R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
