I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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