you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
