so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize