We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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