I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
