fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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