Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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