mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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