One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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