woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize