i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
