He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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