my shit smells like andre
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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