I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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