We named our party play list daddy issues
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize