wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
