New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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