Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
