I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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