i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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