in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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