Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
