I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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