so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
