everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize