remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
