So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
