youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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