Whats the glycemic index on semen?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
