I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
