I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
