Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
