I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
