I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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