He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize