He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
as a side note pls kill me
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
