the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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