She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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