Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
