How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
