Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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