And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
