I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize