I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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