I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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