If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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