I just cut my nipple shaving
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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