How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
