Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
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