He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I forget how to act sober
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