i just wanna soil my oats bro
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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