I accidentally burped into my bong.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
