and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
