3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
