We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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