put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
